Friday, May 24, 2013

Anger, Frustration & Death



I don't know why, but before I could fall asleep last night I remembered this scene from Jeffrey, where Sterling played brilliantly by Patrick Stewart is angry at Jeffrey after his lover died from AIDS. The scene is real, the anger is real. It brought back so many memories. Memories of being so angry. Angry because of AIDS, because of death that came to early, of an epidemic that culled so many lovers and friends, angry at myself for surviving when others died and angry at our inability to live through a plague. All that anger during those years meant I was unable to read or watch any artform that tried to deal with the epidemic. At the time I didn't know why. It seemed in a way obscene to try to create when so many were dying. Now I think it maybe that any form expression dealt with those who survived and not those who died, no matter how the content addressed death. Death wasn't about dying it was about those who survived. The first AIDS film I ever watched was Jeffrey, not when it came out, but years later, and of course I hated Jeffrey, but loved Darius and Sterling. 

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